The Weight of Limbo
This morning, I felt lost. Sleep was broken, and my rhythm disrupted by the awareness that I’ll soon leave Sri Lanka — first for a few days away, then for flights back into the Old Earth stream of Dubai and South Africa. It unsettles me. I can’t sink into focus when I know I’ll soon be moving. But perhaps that’s just an excuse.
I opened the book, did some edits, moved through PDFs. Yet I kept sliding into distraction. It scares me sometimes — how easily I can fall into it, how quickly potential slips into avoidance. The fear rises: do I need to earn more money? am I doing enough? am I wasting time?
And still — the deeper truth: I am here to co-create the New Earth. The synchronicities, the symbolism, the teachings — they remind me. Yet today, I felt like I was reverting back to the lazy human I once was.
Breath and Conversation
The morning did begin with something solid — a breathing practice, moving energy through the body. Then a conversation with Nisir, who helped ground me again. But the weight of the day pulled me elsewhere. I sent a message to the group about planetary alignments, but I know my own struggles bled through.
Space feels like loss sometimes. I offer space, and in that same moment, I feel the ache of being unseen or unsupported. It’s a seed of abandonment I still carry.
The Spiral of Distraction
I tried TV, then wandered into a film, then another. All avoidance, all escape. And beneath it all, the same refrain: I feel pointless.
Not of service. Not working. I’ve somehow created a life where I don’t have to work for survival, yet I want to work, I want to serve. And when I don’t, I feel like I am drifting.
The Edge of Something New
I know this season is temporary. I know it’s not forever. I know this feeling of being in limbo is part of the passage. Still, today, I felt far back from myself, from God, from the work.
But maybe even this is part of it. To feel the weight of emptiness, to see how easily old addictions and escapes can pull me, so I can plant different seeds. Even in this. Even here.
