Morning Thoughts and Suffering
I woke around 5:30 a.m. with looping thoughts, circling money concerns. I tried to rest again, but the light was rising and I knew I had to get up. Meditation came first.
Like Buddha teaches: look directly at the suffering. What is its root? I looked at money, the Old Earth weight, the fears. At the core was helplessness. Holding onto worry gives the illusion of control. But everything is impermanent. That’s the illusion.
A Breakthrough of Light
As I sat with this, light pierced through. I realized: freedom comes when nothing outside dictates how I feel inside. If I can rest in that, I will never be helpless again.
It felt like a small crack opening into the vastness of SHM. A comfort, a smile. Fear still arises, but what else is there but to walk this talk of the New Earth — to embody it, even when scary?
Practice is everything. Like learning the flute: if we stop, we forget. The daily work keeps the music alive.
The Day Ahead
After meditation and exercises, I felt lighter, smiling. Plans for today move forward: breathing practice, checking in with Margoux about her resignation letter, breakfast, then design work on the castor oil and Epsom salt bottles. Loose ends from the Old Earth still call for attention after the gym.
Coffee with Lili perhaps — though I don’t drink coffee, maybe I will. Later, a meeting with Peg and her husband. And before leaving, I’ll need to take my flute to be checked, packing more intensely over the weekend.
Reflections on Home and Presence
Questions linger: will I come back here? Of course — this is home. Yet it feels wasteful to leave a space empty and still pay. Another puzzle to resolve.
Social media remains uncertain. Do I return? Do I stay away? For now, the focus is here: presence, breath, and truth.
Closing Note
Helplessness dissolves when I choose not to let the outside dictate the inside. This is SHM, the New Earth light. Not a destination, but a practice. A smile, even in the storm.
—Tarot Reading—
Q1. How do I nurture connection and trust when scarcity makes me feel isolated?
Sub-Question: What role does community play in helping me move through fear into freedom?
Card: Three of Cups
The medicine here is community. Even when scarcity isolates the mind, connection lifts the spirit. The Three of Cups reminds you that joy and support are found when you share space, laughter, and presence with others. Yesterday’s reminder with Pete’s family and Margo’s gratitude for your guidance reflect this — community dissolves scarcity’s grip.
Q2. How do I hold my emotions with depth and grace, even when money fears arise?
Sub-Question: Where can I soften into compassion for myself as I walk this passage?
Card: Queen of Cups
The Queen of Cups asks for emotional sovereignty — to sit with the waves without being swept. Your reflection on helplessness showed this: holding the emotion without letting it dictate you. Compassion and softness become your shield here. You are asked to nurture yourself with the same depth of presence you offer others.
Q3. Where do I still resist choosing between fear and trust?
Sub-Question: How can I find clarity when the mind loops between scarcity and faith?
Card: Two of Swords
The Two of Swords mirrors the indecision you described: worrying over bank timelines, messaging loops, wondering if people will reply. This card says the choice isn’t “out there” but in you. By pausing, breathing, and trusting, you cut through the illusion of helplessness. The clarity comes not by solving everything but by choosing trust over fear in each small moment.
Q4. How do I rise above the shadows of scarcity into recognition of my true path?
Sub-Question: What victories are already here that I can claim with gratitude?
Card: Six of Wands
The Six of Wands says you’re already winning — even when you don’t feel it. Helping Margo write her resignation, editing Kayla’s testimonial, and staying faithful to the SHM are victories. Recognition may not come from the Old Earth, but the New Earth honors the integrity of every aligned step. Gratitude magnifies your victories.
Q5. How do I embody curiosity and creativity when the heaviness of responsibility weighs me down?
Sub-Question: Where can I bring play and exploration back into my work?
Card: Page of Wands
The Page of Wands is the spark of curiosity — the reminder to play, to explore like a child. The inspiration you felt for a pilot story, the joy of creating bottles and designs — this is Page energy. Not everything has to be heavy. Sometimes freedom comes through allowing your creative fire to roam without agenda.
Q6. How do I step forward with vision while still tying up Old Earth loose ends?
Sub-Question: What horizon am I being asked to trust, even if I can’t see it yet?
Card: Three of Wands
The Three of Wands reflects your current position — packing, preparing, watching the horizon as you leave Sri Lanka for South Africa. The Old Earth must be closed, yes, but your gaze is already on the next land. This card says trust the unfolding — the ships you’ve set in motion will return. The horizon is wider than fear allows you to see.
Q7. How do I stay rooted in joy when the weight of fear and scarcity presses?
Sub-Question: How can I let SHM shine through me as the source of inner light?
Card: The Sun
The Sun breaks through — the very insight you reached in meditation: nothing outside dictates how I feel inside. This is the essence of SHM, your inner light. The Sun is joy, freedom, and innocence. It says joy isn’t naïve — it’s sovereign. When you root into it, no Old Earth structure can steal your light.
