Dreams of Longing
The night carried vivid dreams. Again and again, I returned to Maya. Each time I closed my eyes, I found myself coming to her in tears, unable to express what lived inside me. I only wanted to be held.
Her pain showed itself too — her teeth missing, her own struggles laid bare. It looked gruesome, but my love didn’t flinch. I simply felt empathy: it’s okay, it’s okay. Love remained, even in brokenness.
I was also chasing the dragon, looking to do heroin but pulling back at the moment of doing it.
I woke teary, the dream still echoing.
The Morning Kriya
At 5:45 I rose. I couldn’t find my Apple Watch the night before — strange, since I had wanted it to wake me earlier. Instead, I stepped outside, naked, to begin my new breathing kriya.
Halfway through, the neighbor’s dog bounded toward me, tail wagging, leaping with joy. I had to scoop up my yoga mat to cover myself while still stroking him, laughing at the absurdity. He was thrilled to see me.
Back inside, I finished the practice and sat in meditation. The energy was steady, anchoring.
Clearing and Preparing
A thought arose: I need to prepare an Airbnb pack before leaving. No Siri reminder to help me — I had to hold it myself, and I’m glad I wrote it here.
Later, Lily is due to come by, and Max may visit as well. The plan is simple: pack, release, and throw away what I don’t need. The practice is not to hoard, not to cling. To travel light — both in baggage and in spirit.
Facing the Old Earth
Thoughts of Maya return. Do I message her? Perhaps today, perhaps tomorrow. Fear rises: what if the kids don’t want to see me when I pass through Dubai?
But truth is better than silence. I’d rather face it — whatever comes — than live in the shadow of “what if.” Only by stepping through can I create space for what’s next.
This is how the Old Earth loosens: by facing it directly, with love, and letting it pass. Only then can I hold the space for the New Earth within.
Closing Note
Dreams, tears, kriya, laughter, preparation, fear. It’s all part of the stripping away.
The New Earth is born not through escape, but through facing — with love, with detachment, with the courage to release what no longer belongs.
—Tarot pull—
1. Two of Wands
Main Question: How do I step into sovereignty while holding both Old Earth responsibilities and New Earth vision?
Sub-Question: Where am I being asked to expand my view and plan with greater trust?
Answer: The Two of Wands shows you’re standing at a threshold — suitcase in hand, still packing both the necessary and the unnecessary. Old Earth logistics (banks, companies, finances) are one wand, the New Earth (Arthur, SHM, sovereignty) the other. You cannot carry both fully. This card asks you to plan consciously — decide what you’re truly bringing forward, and release the rest. Expansion comes through clarity, not through carrying everything.
2. Ten of Swords
Main Question: What is the deeper teaching in the grief, loss, and dreams of Maya that keep surfacing?
Sub-Question: How do I accept endings without collapsing into despair?
Answer: The Ten of Swords is the rawness you felt in your dream — crying, longing to be held, facing gruesome images yet still offering love. It acknowledges that the cycle with Maya, and the family/community of the Old Earth, has truly ended. It cannot be resurrected in its old form. But the Ten also carries dawn breaking on the horizon — the end has already passed, and what remains is integration. The lesson: do not fear that you are broken. You are being remade.
3. Ace of Swords
Main Question: What clarity is trying to pierce through as I sit with suffering and helplessness?
Sub-Question: How do I sharpen my awareness so truth cuts through illusion?
Answer: The Ace of Swords is the breakthrough you tasted in meditation: freedom comes when nothing outside dictates how I feel inside. This sword is piercing through the illusion of helplessness and control. It’s a gift — the clarity that SHM is not a concept, but a practice. Like the flute, if you stop playing, you forget. The sword must be wielded daily, cutting through looping thoughts, anchoring you in truth.
4. Four of Swords
Main Question: How do I restore my energy amidst all the movement, travel, and emotional waves?
Sub-Question: Where do I need to allow more rest instead of pushing forward?
Answer: The Four of Swords reflects your fatigue, the moments of wanting to stop, the sense of heaviness in your back. Rest here is not laziness but sacred integration. Sleep, breathwork, meditation — these are not side practices; they are the temple in which your nervous system is rebuilt. Let your body recalibrate. Rest is not wasted time. It is preparation for the next phase of service.
5. Ten of Wands
Main Question: How do I carry the many responsibilities of preparation without being crushed by them?
Sub-Question: Which burdens are mine to carry, and which do I need to release?
Answer: The Ten of Wands mirrors your packing — filling bags with what you don’t really need. It also reflects the Old Earth admin, finances, visas, companies. Some of these burdens are necessary — you must carry them to move forward. But others you are carrying out of habit or fear. This card asks: simplify. Release what is not essential. You do not need to prove strength by carrying everything. Lighten the load.
6. Eight of Cups
Main Question: What am I truly being asked to walk away from at this threshold?
Sub-Question: Where am I still clinging to what no longer serves, even though I know it’s time to let go?
Answer: The Eight of Cups echoes your choice to message Maya — not to reopen, but to close, to walk forward. It’s also the farewell to your current home, your routine, the known comforts. You are leaving cups behind — some still full, some broken — to walk toward a greater horizon. The grief is real, but so is the calling. The Eight reminds you: the New Earth cannot be built by clinging to Old Earth ties.
7. The Star
Main Question: Where is hope and renewal guiding me now?
Sub-Question: How do I trust in the flow of SHM even in the middle of grief and uncertainty?
Answer: The Star is the smile you felt after meditation, the moment of light breaking through helplessness. It is the reminder that after endings (Ten of Swords) and heaviness (Ten of Wands), the flow of grace always returns. SHM is the star-song shining through you. It asks you to stay open, to keep practicing, to pour water both into the world and back into yourself. The Star is the New Earth frequency itself — simple, present, alive in every choice.
