Last night I sat in meditation — and much of my conversation with Pen came back to me.
It was about boundaries.
Space and Safety
I’ve noticed that when I give people a lot of time and space, and then later put boundaries in place, the space can feel like a loss to them and to me. That perceived loss can trigger a knee-jerk reaction — sometimes planting seeds of further abandonment.
But for me, boundaries are safety in the container.
Everyone responds differently to that shift, and that’s okay. My part is to hold strong, to show that I’m still here — even when I express my needs.
I can only be abandoned if I abandon myself.
Dream Fragments
My dreams were strange.
I was with a woman, and just before we were to get on a plane, she wanted to go to the sea. I was rushing to pack, feeling there was another man she might want to be with.
Then, suddenly, I was on stage, playing a role. Time passed, and I had to do it again — but I had forgotten my lines. I searched frantically for the book to remember them. I felt unprepared, yet still willing to get up and perform.
The Morning Begins Early
At 6 a.m., I moved through my morning practices.
Soon, I’ll be heading to a breathing session and somatic massage with the “master” — work that opens up the channels. It’s often painful, sometimes excruciating, but worth it.
Building What’s Needed
Today, I’ll keep working on the coding for the software I’ve envisioned — something that will allow people to upload photos and videos of their cleanse experience, matched with how they’re feeling. I’m doing it manually right now, but eventually it could be an incredible tool.
Later, I’ll go over the book, placing sections in their proper order, ready for the full read — all the way to 40 Days and 40 Nights.
—Tarot pull—
Where am I being called to plant new seeds for a nourishing harvest?
— What past or ancestral seeds still influence what I’m harvesting now?
Ten of Swords — This is the closing of a cycle, a field where the soil has been exhausted by what has been planted before. The harvest you’ve been gathering — shaped by old patterns and perhaps ancestral imprints — is no longer feeding you. Acknowledging this ending allows you to clear the ground, remove the old roots, and intentionally sow seeds that will grow into the nourishment you truly want.
How can I hold space and boundaries without triggering feelings of abandonment?
— What safety can I embody so others feel my presence even in separation?
Four of Pentacles — Holding boundaries doesn’t mean holding people at arm’s length out of fear. The safety comes from rootedness — showing through your actions and energy that the container remains intact. This grounded presence reassures others that space is not rejection, but a stable foundation where connection can breathe.
What patterns in my dreams are revealing my readiness or hesitation to step on stage?
— How do these dreams mirror my waking life opportunities and fears?
The Hanged Man (Reversed) — Your dreams are showing you where you’ve been suspended between readiness and action. The hesitation isn’t lack of ability — it’s the discomfort of leaving the safety of waiting. In waking life, this mirrors moments when you have the stage before you but second-guess your preparation. The invitation is to break the pause and step forward, even if imperfectly.
Where in my life am I willing to show up, even when unprepared?
— How can I trust that readiness comes through action, not perfection?
Knight of Pentacles — True readiness grows from consistency. You don’t have to feel fully prepared to take the next step — showing up regularly builds the strength, trust, and skill you need. It’s the quiet, steady motion that transforms uncertainty into capability.
How can I stay present and calm while building something complex and long-term?
— What mindset shifts will keep me patient with slow progress?
Four of Cups — The restlessness you feel often comes from looking at what’s missing rather than what’s unfolding. Presence comes from noticing what is already here in the process — the subtle growth, the small milestones. Appreciating each step as complete in itself shifts impatience into quiet momentum.
What attachments or distractions need to be released so I can focus on what matters?
— Where am I still giving my energy to things that drain rather than nourish?
Temperance — The release is not about cutting everything away at once — it’s about recalibrating. Some attachments can remain in balance, others will naturally fade as you align your energy. By blending focus with discernment, you create the conditions where only what truly matters remains in your field.
How can I ensure my work in the world remains precious, protected, and aligned with my deeper why?
— What practices will keep me rooted in service rather than in outcome?
King of Wands — Lead from vision, not from the chase for results. Protect your work by holding it as a living expression of your purpose, rather than a product to be measured. When you embody your own fire — confident, inspiring, and anchored in why you began — you naturally draw others into the service, keeping the work both powerful and untouchable by distraction.
