I woke up around quarter to six, tossing and turning from the back injury. Not as sore as yesterday, but still present. I’m now lying on my couch rather than sitting in the chair — so I’m not compressing my spine. And strangely, I’m actually grateful for this injury. It’s mirroring something essential:
I’ve been breaking my back trying to make the New Earth support me — before I’ve even fully supported it.
But the New Earth is a reflection of me.
If I can’t sustain myself, how can it?
The New Earth is still a baby. A divine newborn.
And my duty — is to feed the baby.
And feed myself.
Together. Simultaneously. Gently.
That’s how this whole thing stays donational — by thriving, not surviving.
So it spreads — far and wide.
Not through martyrdom. But through devotion and design.
I’ve also been carrying a subtle entitlement — like:
“Well, I’m building the New Earth… and it’s donation-based. So I shouldn’t have to worry.”
But that creates pressure. On others. On the field. On life.
It becomes a quiet desperation.
That energy doesn’t serve.
Pen shared something yesterday from Marshall — a coach she worked with for many years.
Results-driven coaching.
Today I’ll read the PDF she sent.
And move forward.
I’ll continue building the New Earth.
But I’ll also tend to my “bread and butter.”
This will be a new style of coaching — where I guide people more intimately.
Check in monthly.
They pay after the month ends, not before.
A rhythm of reciprocity.
It won’t feel like selling.
It will feel like service.
And that realization lifted something from me.
I felt like I could live again.
Not a life of sacrifice.
But a life of honour.
Aligned with the Ascended Masters,
grounded in this climate,
and honest with where I’m at.
So today, I begin the next chapter — not by abandoning the New Earth…
but by stabilizing the one who’s building it.
🕊 Morning Reflection
🔥 What’s one thing I want to give energy to and progress today?
Reading the PDF from Marshall and mapping out a structure for future client work — something that honours my integrity and nourishes my livelihood.
🧹 What am I releasing today?
The belief that the New Earth alone has to carry me — and the martyr-like pressure I’ve placed on others (and myself) because of it.
👑 Who do I choose to be today?
A sovereign builder — one who nourishes the vision by nourishing himself. Aligned. Grounded. Free from quiet desperation.
Tarot spread: Queen of Wands, Ten of Cups, Page of Cups, Nine of Wands, The Devil, Nine of Swords, Two of Pentacles
1. What part of me still equates devotion with depletion — and am I ready to lay that story down?
→ Queen of Wands
The Queen of Wands radiates charisma and commitment, often pouring her life force into what she believes in. But when shadowed, she burns her own fire to keep others warm.
This card reflects your current pattern: equating spiritual leadership and visionary devotion with personal sacrifice.
It’s noble — but unsustainable.
The Queen here says: it’s time to embody devotion that includes self-worth, not self-erasure. To lead with vibrancy, not burnout. You’re being invited to shift from sacrificial priest to sovereign guide — where your own light is fed first. Not last.
2. How can I care for the vision of the New Earth by first caring for the vessel building it?
→ Ten of Cups
This is a card of emotional wholeness, inner harmony, and the dream made manifest. It’s not just about the New Earth — it’s about your new earth: the internal environment that you inhabit.
To care for the vision, you must first give yourself what the Ten of Cups represents — connection, safety, inner union.
Your vessel thrives when joy, rest, and softness aren’t delayed until the “mission is done,” but are integrated now, as sacred foundations.
Let pleasure and beauty be part of the building. Not a reward — but a rhythm.
3. Where have I quietly expected others to carry what I’ve not yet carried for myself?
→ Page of Cups
The Page is young in emotional maturity — wide-eyed, tender, but still learning responsibility.
This card gently points to your former hope that “the field will provide” — not as a failure, but as a stage. A phase where part of you waited to be seen, supported, rescued even — while still hesitating to truly claim your value.
It’s okay. That version served a purpose. But now you’re evolving.
The Page becomes the Knight when he learns to hold his own heart.
You’re no longer waiting. You’re walking.
4. What is the difference between “charging” and “receiving”? And where am I still holding shame around both?
→ Nine of Wands
The Nine of Wands shows you as the weary warrior — experienced, wise, yet cautious and guarded.
You’ve charged in the past — hands open, fully in service — and perhaps been misunderstood, or met with projection, guilt, or inner confusion. Now, you hesitate.
But charging and receiving are not the same. Charging is a boundary; receiving is an openness.
This card shows that you’ve built resilience — but it’s time to lay down the shield. You’re not the same person who once questioned their worth.
You are allowed to receive — without apology.
5. Am I willing to trust that resting is productive — when done in alignment?
→ The Devil
The Devil card brings shadow to the surface. And here, it reveals your old programming: the need to do to prove worth. The unconscious addiction to productivity. The belief that rest equals failure.
This is the root wound.
You’ve already seen it — through your back injury, your slowing down, your resistance to pause.
And now, you’re being asked to break the chain.
Not by doing more. But by stopping.
Can you trust that in true rest — aligned rest — the divine is still moving through you?
6. How can I create structures that serve the sacred without strangling the flow?
→ Nine of Swords
This card is raw. It shows the inner torment that can arise when structure becomes pressure.
You’ve lived the loop: deadlines, burnout, tech problems, tension in the nervous system. You’ve feared “getting it wrong” — not out loud, but deep in the body.
Here’s the medicine: structure doesn’t have to mean stress.
It can mean rhythm.
Ritual.
Containers that protect your energy, not choke it.
Let this card guide you to build with breath. One sacred step at a time. You don’t need to architect the whole empire at once. Just lay one loving brick.
7. Who am I becoming in this new rhythm — and what would it mean to fully walk that version, now?
→ Two of Pentacles
You are becoming someone who can hold both: vision and survival. Depth and delivery. Flow and frame.
The Two of Pentacles reminds you that this is a dance — and you are learning the steps.
It may feel like juggling at first, but the more you trust the rhythm, the more graceful it becomes.
You’re no longer in quiet desperation.
You’re learning balance.
Not to please or prove — but to embody.
To walk this sacred offering with joy and structure. To support yourself as you support others.
Fully. Now.
