Trust, Tolerance, and the Pause Between
Today, I just did my best to move around.
I re-recorded Day 1 and Day 2. But the second recording — the mic was in my pocket. I had to re-shoot the whole thing. Normally, that would have triggered a spiral. I’d have gotten angry, sharp, reactive. But something shifted. Before it even got there, I stopped. My higher self stepped in. And it was as if it just didn’t happen. That, in itself, was more powerful than recording anything.
It’s not that my standards have dropped — it’s my tolerance that’s risen. I don’t react the same way anymore.
I tried to drop the new videos into the edit software — but the sound didn’t match. No idea why. It didn’t feel right. Nothing technically wrong, just… off. And I couldn’t fix it. It became too big of a task. I paused. “Why am I doing all this? Why not just leave it?” That’s where I left it.
I went to Galle to buy food, something to break the rhythm. The movement helped, but my back was still hurting.
Later, I spoke to Pen. We looked at the book briefly, but she was tired after flying all night. I suggested we rest. She’s a powerhouse, always pushing, always contributing. And me? I was in pain. So I let myself lie down. Watched The Night Manager. Surprisingly good.
I reached out to a few people — just to say hi. Got some love back.
And I’ve realised — I’ve been going fast for so long, of course something had to pull me down to pause. This is that pause. And I’m in it. I don’t feel like reading. I don’t feel like working. I just want to rest.
The landlord’s bill came in — of course. And yes, I don’t know what the future holds. But I’m okay. I have enough. I’ll work again tomorrow. Chip away. Trust the divine.
It’s already happening. My job is just to stay out of the way — and live what I say.
Trust.
And be okay.
