Today was a Sunday. But I worked.
I finished Day One. Then I realized I needed to edit the landing page video for the cleanse — a long one — and it’s a mountain. But I chipped away. One small step at a time.
I also did an Insanity workout. Don’t usually do Sundays, but there was power in the body. So I got on with it: cardio recovery. Lots of pulsing, slow burn. Not easy. Stayed home. Ammar came to clean.
And then…
Fuck, man.
I felt it.
Isolation.
I’m not on social media. I’m not really in the world. It’s like the world keeps turning and I’m just… here. Working. Creating. Alone. I got my passport back — visa renewed. I edited the book, added journal entries from last year — a ten-day section focused on The Gentle Way through the 12 Steps by Patrick Kairn. Beautiful prayers, deep healing.
I breathed.
I baked mung bean muffins.
Then discovered pieces of metal from the baking tray inside them. I’d already eaten two.
Stuff here is cheap. Sometimes dangerous.
I can’t stay here forever.
But… I remembered a vision.
A life spent between countries.
Three months in South Africa.
A stint in Dubai.
Then back to SA — maybe three more months.
Six months a year on that land feels right.
So I need money. To keep building The New Earth, I need support. Not for excess — just a roof. Food. Stability. The rest is planetary service. And anything else is distraction.
I was meant to see Peg and Yazdan, but he was unwell. So I stayed in.
I spoke to Pen after editing the landing video. She showed me this video of a horse following her — this sweet moment. She has that kind of presence. It made me smile.
I watched a friend’s documentary (Skips). Messaged him. No reply. Maybe he’s busy.
I still need to message two friends back. I haven’t replied yet. Maybe… maybe that’s a reflection too — we respond to who we value. And perhaps they don’t see me anymore.
But that’s because I’m no longer where I was.
The Old Earth doesn’t see me. I’m not there anymore.
After the call with Pen, I kept working. She’d reached a section of the book I hadn’t formatted yet. I wanted her to read a clean flow — so I stayed up and finished it.
Pen said something on the call that stayed with me:
“When you’re putting all this energy in and nothing is coming back, it’s hard.”
And it is.
Because right now, no one else has gone through the programs yet.
When they do, I feel it. I get energy.
But now?
It’s just faith. Head down. Build.
And I do believe this is valuable. Even if it’s donation-based. Even if no one sees it yet.
Yes — I have concerns.
Yes — I wonder.
But I know what I know.
Then I spoke to my brother.
It’s hard to relate.
He asked me if I was happy.
I said, “At times. You?”
He said he had no concerns…Then said something else, contradictory. I don’t even know what to say to him. I just… can’t relate. But love him dearly.
Other people are so certain in their Old Earth realities — their systems, their metrics — that they make you question your own. But I don’t anymore.
This is my path. Even if I’m the only one walking it.
But I’m not.
Not really.
I have my team.
