âThrough the Insects, Into the Subconsciousâ
I carried on editing the course today â best I could. A few power cuts in the morning. I went to Animals after my workout, but they had a power cut too, so I went to Coco. Just kept chasing signal and momentum.
Later in the day, I visited Jen before she left for Portugal â someone who, like me, had come out of a marriage and was finding her new path. I was happy for her, and also… envious. Not because I wanted her life, but because some part of me didnât want to be here. Sri Lanka can be hard. But thatâs why I need to be here. This is my crucible.
Not long ago, I asked to become less afraid of insects â to let them become mirrors instead of monsters. And now Iâm here with ants in the sink, scorpions at my feet, and snakes on the road. Iâve desensitized myself. Itâs all symbolic â these insects are the subconscious coming alive. If I can sit with this, I can sit with anything inside me.
Jen and I had a good goodbye. She gave me cassava flour â what I use for breakfast. And I carried that with me home, just in time for another power cut. So I went back out to Animals, because they said the power would return at 5. It did â but then their Wi-Fi went down.
So I got on my bike, again. And thatâs when it happened.
The rain started hammering. My helmet flew backward. My cap â the one I was wearing underneath â blew forward over my face. Suddenly, I was blind. Speeding on a wet road at night, cap over my eyes, helmet off, brakes slick.
I didnât panic. I slowed the bike, peeled off the cap, clenched my jaw and muttered, âIs God trying to kill me?â
But no â not a victim here. Just another day at the office.
I got home soaked. Took a shower. Got on the call with Penn. We got work done. Then straight into another one with Mel, diving into the mission statement. I didnât want to pile it onto tomorrow. So I did the work.
Later that night, I realized Iâd forgotten to wash the blender. Woke up to ants in the kitchen.
Itâs a struggle. But this is it.
đĄ Where did I hold my boundary?
I said no to giving up. No to putting off the mission statement. No to losing it completely. I couldâve thrown in the towel after the road madness â but I didnât. I showed up.
đą What energy or intention did I move forward, no matter how small?
The course. The PDFs with Penn. The conversation with Mel. The vision. It moved. Even when I didnât want to move with it.
đ What didnât need fixing?
The envy. The anger. The rain. It didnât need solving â just breathing. Let it storm.
⨠What surprised me today?
That moment on the road. Cap over my face, blind at 60 km/h. And yet I didnât panic. That surprised me. Thereâs strength in there I donât always see.
𤲠What did I offer or receive in service today?
I offered presence. I offered the course. I offered myself, again. I received a goodbye hug from Jen, cassava flour, a reminder that discomfort is the initiation.
đ What did I witness within myself or another today?
I witnessed myself still reaching for joy, even in all of this. I witnessed the contrast â how grateful Iâll be for softness when it comes again. I saw that the new Earth is being born through these very days.
Blinded on a wet road. Drenched. Frustrated. Ants in the kitchen.
Still editing. Still writing. Still here.
This is how we build the new Earth.
â Arthur
